she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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