SEEEEXXX PLEASE
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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