new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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