Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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