All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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