Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
