She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
