And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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