we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
