Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
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I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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