you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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