why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
