HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
