do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize
