you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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