I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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