pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
