Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
