I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
