Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
