he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
