He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
