Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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