remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
