He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
