How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
