I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
