and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
