so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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