You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
