is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
