I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize