So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
