dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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