so explain again why im purple
no
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We need to rekindle our bromance
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
