it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
