Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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