Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dick very happy bro
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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