Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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