guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Let's paint friendship bongs
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
