i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
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Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
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The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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