I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
