Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
