3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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