So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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