I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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