ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
