Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize