Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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