he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
