Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
