Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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