My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
