I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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