My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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