My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize