I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
