What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
