I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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