if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
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you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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