I can tuck mytits in my pants
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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