If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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