The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
