If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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