It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
