I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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