hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
