I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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