You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
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I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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