There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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