I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
