i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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