Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
