Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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