I saw his package. It spoke to me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
