im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
